have you ever watched a girl..or boy..you love get stolen by a person you had an insignificant crush on? no? well.. this is what is currently happening to me.
in this post i will not use any names.. just to be safe.^^ unless you know me, you'll know who i'm taking about.
anyways, it's been over two years that i've been in love with.. let's call her blank#1. this is a kind of love, i feel, that is stronger than your average high school love. i would legitimately put myself in jail for her, if ever needed. not saying she's a criminal, but in such a scenario, i most definitely would.
blank#2.. my second crush.. was more of a, "hey, you're cute, you look like you'd be fun to date for a short amount of time.." kind of dude. yes, i liked a guy. it is quite possible for me to do so.
that out of the way, i've recently witnessed these two fall for each other. i won't go into heavy detail on how they showed such love, but when a person-me- watches the girl she has feelings for-blank#1- make out with the guy she once liked-blank#2-.. it just really kills the spirit of a generally happy chick like me. generally happy, anyways..
-sigh- i should be happy for blank#1. but the truth is, i can be happier than humanly possible for her all i want.. but that's not stopping the pain that's eating me from the inside out. that, and the awkward thump my heart produces whenever i see her with blank#2. but more than happiness, i am very scared for her. i don't believe blank#1 would do anything too illogical, but blank#2.. i'm not so sure about. i fear that, aside from other things, she will lose her dignity. -if things fail, anyways- also, i fear she will lose her perspective on being with another person. to be more clear on that, when she does not have a lover, she has a more understanded view of going out with guys, as well as being with them. but in the moment.. i wonder if she still has those same logical ideas. i believe she would, personally. however, everyone seems to change there minds about situations they've thought of before they are actually in those situations. like if a person was asked, "would you smoke pot?", he/she might say, "hells no!". but if that person was in a room of pot and pot smokers, and was offered again, something in that person might just make her/him say, "why the hell not." people are funneh like that.
the point is, i am afraid she will be hurt. i know blank#2.. but i don't know him, know him. i don't think he'd be an asshole and fuck blank#1 over, -i like how these words are anomalies compared to the rest of this post- but i don't know what kind of person he is with other women when it comes to.. do i have to say it?
i do feel, counterwise to that statement, that blank#1 knows blank#2 better than i do. so maybe.. she'll be alright.
i'll still worry. i might have a better sense of what may be going on between my two friends, but i will always be scared for her. even when i don't have to.. it just happens whether i want to, or not. sometimes i'll be sad for her, even when she seems to be happy. kind of like that, "Falling To Pieces" song. that song relates to me in so many way, it's slightly annoying.
okay.. i apologise to anyone who might be reading this. i know it's very long, but i needed to share my feelings with the rest of the world. i am going to sleep now. good night.. or morning.<3
**creds to The Script.
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